Increased expectations and competition, decreased school resources and the high price of a college education today have parents playing an even bigger role in serving as their young person’s academic and career planning coach.
Many parents find themselves transitioning from the traditional role of homework helper/monitor and activities director to a more complex role of helping to determine what classes to take when, encouraging volunteering in the community, and piecing together various parts of the teen’s life to build a student portfolio, which will hopefully attract college and scholarship opportunities. This parent-teen partnership is in addition to the typical parent-child relationship, and comes with its own set of challenges in balancing dual roles.
How do we move beyond superficial, transitory or canned markers of success to help your teen find his life’s calling? An obvious strategy and influence is, of course, recognizing and encouraging an area of passion for him. This may be a particular subject he enjoys in school (e.g., English), an innate or specific skill he possesses (e.g., being a leader, detailed or analytical, creative thinker, organized) or a natural or well-honed talent to which he is committed (e.g., a sport, music or arts, linguistics).
As young people approach their junior high and high school years, they may also gravitate toward or develop an interest in a philanthropic cause, which has ignited a passion.
As parents, we wield significant influence on our children every day and in a number of ways, including the way in which we support and advocate for our children in their education. Even a well-intentioned parent can easily cross the pencil-thin line existing between being a supportive mentor and the overbearing, over-protective parent of a teenage student. In our zealousness to help, we may push too hard, which can yield negative results for all parties.
Set high expectations and give your children the confidence to achieve them. Let them know you are there if they need/want your help. All they need to do is ask you. Doing too much for them undermines their independence, and perpetuates enabling (on our part), thereby not learning to advocate on their own behalf.
Another not-so-obvious factor of influence on young people today is how we, as adults, discuss our own work and workplace in our homes. Our daily frustrations with our jobs, colleagues, bosses and fulfillment in this area can overshadow any excitement and inspiration young people are looking for to plan their futures. Are we scaring them off from making career-related decisions with negative talk? Part of being a good mentor is teaching young people how to overcome obstacles, and deal effectively with people of differing personalities. Our work discussions at home also can serve as teaching moments for our young people.
Dr. William Damon, author of The Path to Purpose, investigates the seemingly prevailing question impacting today’s youth: Why are a high number of young people failing to launch, or struggling to find a life pursuit that inspires them? Dr. Damon categorizes teens’ search for their calling into four distinct groups:
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The Purposeful—Those who have found something meaningful to which they wish to dedicate themselves, and have sustained interest over time; possess a clear sense of what they are trying to accomplish.
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The Dabblers—Youths who may have tried a number of potentially purposeful endeavors, but cannot commit to any of them yet.
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The Disengaged—Young people who have neither a purpose in life nor an inclination to find one.
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The Dreamers—Those who can imagine themselves doing great things in the world, but have yet to do anything to pursue their ideas in a practical way.
Through in-depth interviews and surveys of young people in the 12 to 22 age range, it was noted only about one in five young people expressed a clear vision of their life’s direction, what they want to accomplish, and why. Conversely, the largest percentage (approximately 60 percent) of those interviewed did not have any steadfast commitments or realistic plans for pursuing their aspirations.
As busy parents, we are required to wear a number of different hats every day and juggle priorities and a list of tasks, which seem to have a starting point but no ending. So, before adding the important and active responsibility of being your child’s education and career planning coach, ask yourself (as the most significant influence in your child’s life) these three important questions:
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Are you armed with the latest information, reality and resources about today’s educational and career landscape impacting this generation?
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Can you create a healthy balance between being your child’s supportive, encouraging (yet non-enabling) parent and a purpose-driven, accountable mentor?
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What am I willing to change, learn or do that could help my child/teen find or explore his life’s purpose and passion?
For more information on AZ Leaders and Learners, contact Mary Martha Gingerella at (480) 329-0450, or e-mail at azleadersandlearners@gmail.com. Mary is an experienced coach and family partner who can help you and your children develop a strategy to prepare for college, and she can provide information on scholarship opportunities.